i very much enjoy reading this.
"lately i feel as if i cant make that kind of contact with anyone. i don't look as if it would physically hurt or i might just break down and cry if i let it happen, all the self hate and self doubt will just pour out of my eyes at contact. its like when you are about to throw up but you close your eyes or think of something to try and stop the inevitable. the problem is that at the end you open your eyes and look. it all comes out anyway"
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